For My Daughter:

I found some notes I made when thinking about you, and so thought I'd pass them on...

I recall that, recently, you lamented the fact that you had no real friends; though I think you were just saying that at the moment. I have had the same thought at points in my life. Then I think of my brother. He lives in a community of outcasts in the San Luis Valley. Many of his friends have traits considered less than ideal; whether it's drug/alcohol abuse, antisocial behavior, laziness, sloth, poor hygiene or health habits, etc. But I've noticed that Joe still brings out their good side in the way that he interacts with them, and therefore he has many more friends than I do. I, on the other hand, tend to hold potential friends to a higher standard. Some of my “prejudices” include: avoiding people who aren't educated, Republicans, overweight/unhealthy folks, loud people, rednecks, people with a lot of tattoos, etc. As a result of my prejudices in this regard, I have fewer friends. However, it turns out that most of these people I've listed still have some traits that make them valuable to society, and possibly as friends.  After all, everyone has problems, some worse than others, of course; but even they often have a "good side", which may more than make up for their faults.

My advice is to gather friends like a wool sweater attracts dust motes and hair. Once you get to know them a little bit, then you can decide whether to nurture the friendship, or let it die. Most people, to varying degrees, put up a facade to disguise their true personalities. After getting to know someone, you gain the ability to peer behind the curtain, and see what they are really like; and whether that person is one you'd like to have as a friend. If you find that they are lacking in areas that are important to you, let them go; but if they are good people, you now have another friend. The point is: give more people a chance, and make your judgments later. You will, with time, get better and winnowing the wheat from the chaff.